one of those nights...

at 2am i decided to just get up...there were things to do, and things to think about...so i climbed out of bed, turned on the radio and accomplished a plethera of work...

i also endured a time of wrestling...with who? you may ask...could have been my own conscience, or rational thought...could have been with the part of my genetics that once i have traveled to a specific arena of contemplation- it does not let me go...so there i sat, looking among mounds of books and papers which in the end, sum up my performance of academia...it's daunting at times- especially at 3:30am...

i only slept, tossingly at that, for a couple of hours this afternoon and i am still not sure the match is over yet...there is more to resolve...bits of grief- oh how i miss some of the dead...who i really am without all of the "things" i do... the search for the place where loving others really does precede yourself...then the reality of these resolutions somehow working their ways into my functioning world...this is again where flowcharts on implementing goodness into your life would be ever helpful...anyone?

i found two names in my journal of schoolmates that were- in the beginning- somehow chosen to be two people that i uplift and look out for...to daisy and alice, you got a lot of air time last night in the conversation between God and myself...maybe i was trying to make up for lost time...maybe it was the right time and it was full, sincere, and earnest...for this one reason alone, i am glad i was awake...

there are others...a list that seemed unending...how is it that you can love so many people? maybe we only love everyone at certain, specific times...times when the world is quiet- and you have no idea why their names are resounding in your being...times when you yourself is the last thing you even want to contemplate...times when you actually hear something other than your own voice...

sweet and pleasant dreams to all i love dearly...sweet and pleasant dreams to those i miss- wherever you are...sweet and pleasant dreams to the world...