what's at stake for you?

in the closing of the semester, it is difficult to think of all the things that matter to you with the usual depth of sincerity until it is over...i've been chewing on the racial reconciliation forum for a while and as each day passes, i think i am astonished at the outcome of that meeting...i don't know if anyone else feels appalled at some of the things said that day- but i was...essentially, what i think happened is that not only did we foster an untrustworthy space in the chapel, we turned around and asked black students to trust us with hearing their feelings...and them with ours...and then told them that- basically- it wasn't a big deal and we can get through this...yeah for the white people who sat in the back of the room seperated from the black students...yeah for the white people who made the session about their story instead of hearing the black students story...yeah for the white people who asked the blacks not to use a word the whites labeled them with long ago...it's sad...

i wonder why whites think that we can grasp the depth of a minority's pain regarding language...i'm not saying intellectualize it...i'm talking experience...to never know the experience of being degraded by another race- i am not sure that whites will know that- ever...at least not in the context of this place...we reign...we have priviliges...no word a minority uses against a white person will ever carry the weight of the ugly, ugly words we have used to label them...and i'm not talking about hurting our feelings...i'm talking about being labeled in such a way that the whole world knows what that label means...in the end, i think we are arrogant to believe that language doesn't carry the weight it used to carry...what is at stake for me in this situation is watching a community of whites that have no idea whether to call a black student "black"...or "African-American"...and some still see them as "different"...what is at stake? regarding another's full humanity...

tomorrow, a student that has worked very, very hard to finish her education and is noted by many to be a phenomenal pastor won't be attending the graduation in which she deserves to be...the PCUSA has ran her off...has chosen not to uphold her full humanity...when are we gonna start looking at the stakes? because it seems that as long as we are looking at personal gains, we are committing crimes against the full humanity of the gospel...am i angry? yep...but more broken-hearted for those who are not seen as full...it's convienient to see someone fully when they look like you...or when they are the same color as you...or the same sexual orientation as you...i am interested if anyone feels "less full" because of negating others the possiblity of being recognized as fully human?...instead of sub-human...instead of less than "me"...

i feel "less full"...that's what is at stake for me...