the grind...

as the future looms the present is strangely peaceful...my apprehentions about work, security, salary, housing - they all seem to be less important than the enjoyment of today...

granted, i have trolled positions in the west, overseas, and have even contemplated moving in with derek indefinitely...nothing seems too far-fetched at this juncture...only when i look around at my collegues do i start to wonder if there will be some sense of identity with what they are doing as to what i may or may not be doing...working for whatever it is i am called to do - let's just say it seems to be hiding beneath some surface i cannot permeate...

lots of people have advice on this...too many of us in the clergy are looking at a system that favors us yet favors more what it sees as to be fitting...and rightly so...i wonder sometimes what it is that one day breaks the favor mold and propels us into the system...mutuality? common need? a friend of mine, a good and well rounded pastor, ended up going overseas to serve the church of scotland because of the endless toil and labor of never finding a common need between he and a church here in the states...lots of people would say "it was destined"...he probably would as well...he has a strange and curious way of patience...

in a week i will head back to the lone star state...i will arrive no less acquainted with my future than before i left three months ago...musings here and there have peaked my interest for service...the question is - have i peaked theirs? i often debate whether a piece of paper is an adequate indicator of service ability...i suppose i will soon see...

other than that - i have a bed to stain and a dog to entertain...i spent the morning reading christian century and the economist...i enjoyed the yirgacheff with glee...i have made a few more inquiries concerning the future...it is less with anxiety and more with intrigue...and that is today's grind in a nutshell...