who loves cigarettes?
(mary's voice) i do, i do!!
my friends, it has been since the first of january that i have not surrendered to the wooing voice of the fag...all in all, it has been................only 44 days...it seems soooo much longer...week three was tough and over the last few days, i have had cravings that perhaps can only be described as...ferocious...i saw a man driving next to me enjoying the nice, stick of fresh air, and i wanted to yell over and bum one from him...desperation will make you do silly things...i have not even had a drink this week...maybe that is what is causing my depression...wink wink...oh, it's only monday...still, it is this week...
i have been in the land of nostalgic lane...such a bad place to be when you cannot smoke...my contemplations do not come with a stick of time to be pensive with anymore...i think this is the one thing i hate the worst...i used to sit on my couch with a great novel and read for at least two hours before sleep...all the while enjoying nostalgia with a fag...but i am a witness- listen, it is not the same and i think i am confused as to what to do...i used to study in stotts because it has a porch and when i needed to reflect on writing or reading, i would walk outside and take a few minutes with the beloved rette...now, i am confused and i sometimes wander aimlessly around my 4X8 dorm room thinking, "why? why did feel so convicted to give up the love of my life?" stupid boys...stupid, stupid boys...oh, and my health...
then there is the crying business...where is this coming from? there should be a surgeon general warning about quitting smoking- it increases the tear duct producers so that anything can trigger the ducts to start flowing...no toilet paper, no clean socks, no valentine, no cute strappy black shoes...i am doing it right now...
so, cheers to being freakin smoke free...yeah...like on monty python- 'and there was much rejoicing!- (uncheerful) yeah'...pray i find some direction with all my spare time...and that i would quit the crying business...really- i am starting to look like a wuss...
posted by Monica @ 8:48 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
to borrow yet another python quote, " i am not dead yet" well your almost dead "no i'm not"
ps it is the hardest thing i have ever tried to quit, Keep On Keeping On as Little Johnny Taylor would say.
i feel certain that people who smoke can identify with all that has been said...i appreciate it that someone out there identifies...i am looking forward to you being in austin...hope your week ends up being incredible...
crying is good for you...let it out now while you have an excuse...you know it gets built up during those thousands of times we are forced to hold back our tears over our lifetimes
believe it or not, i was a flowing fountain until the big "d" and i cried then to last me eight years...it's back with incredible force...i'm dealing...today? so far so good...thanks for caring...
I do not like cigarettes. I do like, however, (1) the song "Cigarette" by Ben Folds Five, although it is terribly depressing, and (2) your use of different colors for emphasis on your blog.
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