settle...

i think even my passions are confused and possibly at odds with something i can't name right now...i have a serious longing to somehow run into that one in a billion (as annie dillard likes to call it) and talk for days on end over coffee, malbec, and steamed vegetables or lollipops - i don't really care right now...

see that's funny...i want to run into the one in a billion and i don't care at all whether it happens with lollipops or malbec...something is strangely afoot with my passions...sunny days and park benches seem nice...rainy days and porches sound nice too...lately there has been an extraordinary amount of days that are lived in waiting...i can't decide if waiting makes you dis-impassioned...or if it settles passion rightly...see my dilemma?

there are a few things i know that i feel passionate about: getting to a place where i can sleep in the same bed for at least one month - uninterrupted...the red sox winning game 7 tomorrow (and this is because i love derek a lot and his passion can easily be transferred to me - i have time to deal with it )...and not letting hope slip away from my present state...i didn't realize one must be passionate about not letting hope dissolve...

it's time to settle...and i need to settle good folks...i need to settle good - fast...as merton would pray - oh lord, come to my aid...