the waiting...

even as i prayed "satisfy me with your love oh lord," i wondered how i might enjoy it...it is too much for words...it is encompassing, haunting, exhilarating, and dangerous...this kind of love moves one to do things that are not necessarily normal...it puts a stirring in the stomach...

in two days and i am back in the hot-ness of texas...but along with the heat comes a boundless amount of friendship and love that has not been met with real presence in a while...this summer has been a somewhat nomadic journey...here, there, and then over here...i can't decide if it is something i am "doomed" toward or if it is something i am "bound" for...both i suppose - but it is a real dinger of surprise at every turn...

each day i wait patiently for an answer...as another day closes and i lay my head down to sleep, i close my eyes knowing the sun has waxed and waned without me getting any type of clue to the future...it isn't that i am worried...in fact, i have never enjoyed a waiting period more...it's just interesting to me that i can live satisfied each day with no knowledge or foresight to the future...which makes me wonder - how long can one live this way?

i suppose as long as i have to? the question is always "what are the prospects monica?" as i reply "i don't know" i can hear that twinge of anxiety on the other end of the phone...if i am not "doing" something, it is hard for others to realize that i am "being"...it is even hard for me sometimes to realize i am being - not doing...

ramble ramble ramble...i'm a fan of being...it's kind of dangerous...