a bit of something...

i never equated pandora's box with anything particular...everyone knows that sometimes, things just get complicated...the point of opening the box is to relieve the urgency of curiousness that has plagued your existence...

i don't particularly like to play with fire, but i do find something intriguing about the risk of being willing to take whatever comes out of the box...most days, i'm up for the info...some days, i regret the risk...

which brings me to: love the risk, even though i am not skilled enough to handle the regrets- most days...but time and good passionate writers have betrayed to us the very thing i hate contemplating...that even with the regrets, it is better to have had the regret than to have had no regrets at all...or something like that...

my point is...or at least my weak attempt to simulate truth, is that it is highly possible to talk yourself into never opening the box again...and is that wrong? i don't think i could live without taking a risk...maybe i just think it's a risk and it was there for the taking all along as something ordinary and ordained...that would be my luck...

but as you read this, if you still are reading, you must know that regrets are not always negative...sometimes they contain a powerful and engaging events...ones that might not indeed last forever...which might fuel you for the rest of your life...that one regret you cannot stuff back into the box, in order to erase the fact that you asked for it by opening the box...

which leads you back to the beginning...and if i trust the words of the wise and passionate, i am better for opening the box...

word on the street...

the word is: this is the time when every afternoon starts to be spent by either playing spades, going to barton springs pool, or napping...i'll choose the pool...went today and it was glorious...

this midterm self expression has not had a profound effect on my senses today...i still sat in the sun and dangled my feet into the springs...i sense that somehow this language will seep into my being the further i live on...hopefully it will seep in deep tonight as i study and prepare for the test, oops, i mean self expression...which i find to be liberating language...

not much new on the homefront...i tell you, the only thing i crave everyday is a bowl full of cereal with cold milk...part of me thinks this is some weird syndrome encouraged by heat...who knows...

if you would like to play the sheep and goats game, visit mr. amen's blog and either save them all or damn them to hell...i wasn't able to save very many...which makes me think i would make a terrible messiah...

leaky business that was not at all risky...

yeah....do these things really need to cost $400.00? seriously, i almost fainted in the parking lot...but when you gotta leak, you gotta fix it...

which made me ponder, when we get leaky in life, do we spend the total amount of whatever it is we pay to get the leak fixed right, or even replaced? or do we walk around damaged and in some serious need of fixin?...i would venture to say there are a lot of leaky people out there that have been going for miles and miles without taking a look under the hood...

so, i looked under the proverbial hood this week...too bad i had to have the not so proverbial look to make me think on this...get a check up, okay?

on a side note, i made pappan and mere stand in a circle around my bumper yesterday when i picked up the jeep...i felt very ceremonial about being able to get the jeep fixed and it costing exactly what was in the bank account...so in honor of deliverance, we placed "the dude abides" bumpersticker on the back...of course it was crooked...pappan said it's more dude that way...seriously, it was a moving ceremony...pappan smoking, meredith giggling, and me cussing that it went on crooked...one day this will be funny to me...i'll mark the calendar....

truly tillichian day...

i have never thought that theology could make such a difference in practice...my silent, yet sometimes audible prayers of late have been "God give me the Courage to Be"...

as the hours have passed today, i finally became still and found my utterances before our Maker to be stirring within...in one moment, then another, then another, the moments added up to an hour...in this journey, i discovered that the Creator had indeed given me the courage to face the fear of my ownself...

which makes me wonder, why do we fear disappointing others? is it our own fear of not being able to handle it properly? or is it truly that we have no desire to fail those we love? as i sit now, i can think of several people in my life in which i will pray that they too will have the Courage to Be...it not only encompasses our own being, but the world around us as well...

the Courage to Be for my friends who have recently gotten married, and to those who are embarking on the wedding path...to love and be loved in return requires large quantities of courage...for all of you who trust so easily, may your courage grow even more...

the Courage to Be for the church in its new phase of chaos...our courage should be for the world and for the ushering in of the kingdom...maybe we need the courage to see that this chaos need not be...courage to love in the struggle- to see humanity from the lens of redemption is needed desperately...God give us courage to see it clearly- not just from our own point of view...

the picture of the tree above is from an artist i found while parousing blogs one night...i found a great source of inspiration as i looked at this photo that he entitled "gnarly tree"...i want to be like that gnarly tree...old enough to show the weathering of existence...strong enough to speak of tales of old...beautiful enough to be seen as an inspiration to others...rooted firmly enough in the earth from which i came so that it reminds me of my mortality without saying a word...

to know that i could utter the words- God give me courage- was enough to know that an Infinite Love was interested in me having it...

check out dave's pictures at: http://davidjohns.blogspot.com/

i do!!

well, on the eve of this couples wedding, i would like to propose a toast, for a few reasons...

em, i truly thank God for your love and friendship...the last year has been a treat for me to watch you get all excited about marrying the man you have loved for over six years now...whew, i gotta say, there are things that people older than you can learn from watching you and henry...cheers to you on the eve of one of the most important days of your life...the thing is, i feel as if something good has happened to me as well...for someone i love to marry such a great man makes my heart glad...

henry, lots of second grade girls' hearts are breaking today...their 'mr. owen' is getting married...but, i know they love em, so all is well...i am glad i never knew em apart from you...from the first day i met her, you were always a part of our conversation...thanks for the hoops and the general good times of chatting it up...i have no doubt that the both of you are blessed and will in turn, bless the world...

so, sweet dreams to you both on the last day of legal singleness...i love you both...

right attitude...

jensen just came to tell me that j. olstein was on the tube, and i quote: "God promises that if you have the 'right attitude', you will be blessed with twice as much as you now have..."

i'm not sure to whom this equation applies, but i am a bit miffed...

A) homeless people: right attitude will bring about two meals
B) diseased people: right attitude will reduce to 1/2 diseased
C) insomnia: right attitude will bring 3 hours of sleep
D) millionaire: right attitude will make you a billionaire

which one do you want to be if this equation is a promise from God?

BAM...

the bane of my existence is wrapped up in a small little world, tucked inside a tight knit community of people, which are entangled in the entrappings of academia...the world cup, beer, and studying a foreign language are the markings of an ordinary day...

it was two days ago that i was reminded of the world outside of my walls...happenings in chile prompted me to think about the larger picture...then, a casual conversation reminded me that while i celebrate and rate soccer teams on their looks, people around me, living within my walls are suffering...forgive me for not paying attention...

i'm not near naive enough to believe that the world is happily spinning with no pain- but when it gets closer to home, somehow the spinning slows down and things sometimes grind to a halt...moments of conversation transplant you back to a time and place that resound of the pain being described...when you know of others' suffering, does it hurt you like it hurts me?

it's not too far from the truth to say that i have shared 'emotional' situations with complete strangers...i chalked it up to coincidence...but today i was convinced that maybe i should not be satisfied with a mere 'coincidence' from persons i live with...am i that disconnected?

so now as the world is spinning more slowly, my gaze is laced with an intentional lens...as i walk, let me love with the greatest of loves...and suffer with the greatest of sufferings...it's out there, i know...

so it was painful...

as i rushed in to see if we were winning, i could tell by the looks on faces that something was out of whack...

not only out of whack, but grossly out of sync...it was dreadful to watch the rest of the game...i never saw a czech not rush to play up on the man...extremely aggressive and calculative...i can't say always- but for a few moments today, i watched a really good team...

so...underdogs? u.s. hottest cumulative players? u.s., of course (even though the argentinians have the highest ranking yet) best faker? some overtly tall czech with long hair...actually, he did get carried off the field...but i have since learned that even this move could be registered in the faker catagory...

i really want to watch the hotties from italy today- BUT, i have an enormous amount of ancient language learning to do...it's amazing, really...only one week, and i am translating small fragmented sentences...yahoo...those greeks...smart ones they are...

hottie latin americanos...

so i only watched mexico and iran today...felt sorry for the iranians a bit for losing...seems there might be severe consequences for their loss...ouch...

favored? don't know...hottest team? definitely the mexicanos...best faker on fouls? wasn't interested enough to debate the issue...

u.s. tomorrow morning...after greek, let's get in on the action...peace to all tonight...

around the world...specifically chile...

i have never posted activist material- but i could not resist this...if indeed this is happening, i am afraid there is nothing more to do except ask you to read about the situation...then if you know someone- in chile/government/etc- help us know more...i am not a fan of really long blogs, but please read if you can...


Dear friends who care about our earth, Judge for yourself if you want to take action.

In the Valle de San Felix, the purest water in Chile runs from 2 rivers, fed by 2 glaciers. Water is a most precious resource, and wars will be fought for it. Indigenous farmers use the water, there is no unemployment, and they provide the second largest source of income for the area. Under the glaciers has been found a huge deposit of gold, silver and other minerals. To get at these, it would be necessary to break, to destroy the glaciers - something never conceived of in the history of the world - and to make 2 huge holes, each as big as a whole mountain, one for extraction and one for the mine's rubbish tip.

The project is called PASCUA LAMA. The company is called Barrick Gold. The operation is planned by a multi-national company, one of whose members is George Bush Senior (what a surprise, eh?). The Chilean Government has approved the project to start this year, 2006. The only reason it hasn't started yet is because the farmers have got a temporary stay of execution. If they destroy the glaciers, they will not just destroy the source of specially pure water, but they will permanently contaminate the 2 rivers so they will never again be fit for human or animal consumption because of the use of cyanide and sulfuric acid in the extraction process. Every last gram of gold will go abroad to the multinational company and not one will be left with the people whose land it is. They will only be left with the poisoned water and the resulting illnesses.

The farmers have been fighting a long time for their land, but have been forbidden to make a TV appeal by a ban from the Ministry of the Interior. Their only hope now of putting brakes on this project is to get help from international justice. The world must know what is happening in Chile. The only place to start changing the world is from here. We ask you to circulate this message amongst your friends in the following way. Please copy this text, paste it into a new email adding your signature and send it to everyone in your address book. Please will the 100th person to receive and sign the petition send it to noapascualama@yahoo.ca to be forwarded to the Chilean government.

No to Pascua Lama Open-cast mine in the Andean Cordillera on the Chilean-Argentine frontier. We ask the Chilean Government not to authorize the Pascua Lama project to protect the whole of 3 glaciers, the purity of the water of the San Felix Valley and El Transito, the quality of the agricultural land of the region of Atacama, the quality of life of the Diaguita people and of the whole population of the region.

world cup view...

i still tend to lean to the underdog side of things regarding the world cup...upsets and triumphs of those whose odds are minimal actually brighten my day...nothing against sweden, but i was happy for the little ole' team from trinidad that finally made it to the world cup and hung in there with big yellow european team...much fun...

i secretly wanted the ivory coast team to beat argentina- but i felt an obligation to honor the argentinian team because of my very attractive argentinian friend named tomas...is it wrong to root for someone because they remind you of an attractive man?

so it may be a bit shallow, and i admit i am under-educated in my futbol knowldege...but so far, the hottest team (in general) was the team from argentina...so rooting catagories include: underdogs (regarding odds of winning), hottest cumulative players on one team, and best faker when it comes to fouls...

use these catagories wisely...there can be a winner in each match for all three catagories, and it is best to sum up your picks for each day...good luck to you...

keep on the sunny side...

is it just me, or is it butt-hot outside?

oh say can you see...

i got dared to wear a toga to take the greek test tomorrow...sounds fun, i suppose...humorous nonetheless...hope what we think is funny is as equally humorous for others...it's apparently not called 'greek camp' for nothing...the sad part is i only have a toga with leopard print on it...hope it will suffice...

it was over 100 degrees today and naturally i was napping the afternoon away...i think i am just now catching up on the lost sleep of the last two weeks...grades are coming in and after receiving theology this week, i could care less what all the other grades are...i am framing my reconciliation paper...if you would like to read, let me know...email me at monica.hall@austinseminary.edu i suddenly feel vain- sorry...it is meant with humility...is it wrong to be proud of your work?

well, the blogging network is on summer haitus...the daily reads are becoming weekly...maybe for the good...peace to all this evening as we prepare for our 'self expression'...

unbelievable...

i encouraged a certain minister friend of mine to read the latest article in insights by monya...i heard his sermon on sunday and it was like being in new testament all over again...shoot, this stuff is catchy...which made me think, maybe we can change the world:)

i thank God for jeeps...the night drive home was incredible...in the hill country the starts are HUGE and the moon was guiding me home...i think i was smiling the entire way...

well, greek in the am...i am physically walking and breathing, and i hope that somehow my brain will turn on and i will be able to get what i need to this week...there should be a prize for the person who can cram the most ancient languages into their brain within one academic year...oh i forgot, you get a t-shirt...(sigh)