saturday afternoon...

i just watched one of my favorite movies...eternal sunshine of the spotless mind...such a great fick...it reminds me of how we try so hard to get away from the things that hurt...but in the end, we find that the pain is manageable...we truly do want those memories..."it's okay"....love it...

i am sad to announce the end of the anon reign...i believe it has gone a bit too far...so, with that, we start a new reign of identity...

em was at mile 21 when i called her...what a beautiful day to ride for such a good cause...ride on my friend...

totally stoked...

dees-stock + turbulent weather = smashing good time

stress release...

as i walked into the glorious cafe this morning, i saw an arena of weary people just looking to make it through the rest of today...we have one week of classes and then the final frontier...

wags- i am thinking of you this weekend...i know you have so much more to do than you have time for...i know you can do it...

to all, know that i am stoked about next week being the last...

making amends...

interesting conversation tonight...a friend is working on a project for his justice class...the scenario goes like this:

all the males in the class will apologize to all the women in the class for all the oppression put upon them...

so the question was- could this act lead to reconciliation between genders and begin a process in which both males and females move forward in solidarity with and for one another?

would love to know what you think...

completion...

i did not realize at the time how true this was- when people you love live out their dream, it completes you in some weird, fantastic way...i keep getting calls from people that are precious to me and they are all getting on with their dreams and desires...i wonder if me being in this place completes someone...

as i sat in an office today and projected my future on to a piece of paper entitled "registration," it felt odd...how is it possible to plan your life this way? a piece of paper- wood and goo- holds my future on it...it all comes down to a signature...approval...stamp...etc....

the last days are dwindling...i strangely feel no pressure...in a wesley kind of way...

a huge welcome...

i have long wanted my friend- the sage- to blog along with the rest of us...he is brilliant, and is one of my dearest friends...he and shelly are the proud of owners of floyd and bradley and they love death cab as much as i do...

take time to check out The Sage on the link...add it to your favorites or link it up on your own blog....it will be well worth it....the clay county girl gave it a ***** rating...

welcome, my friend...

anonymity...and freedom

isn't it great to remain anonymous? the ability to poke and prod others with words and no one ever knows who you are...it's so crafty and brave...it makes all that is said, especially the name calling, so much more valuable...

i think all voices should remain anonymous... so we can giggle with glee at the measures we will take to be in opposition with others and be protected by our own self piety...those who claim what they believe- greg, monica, pappy, astrocero, meredith- and sign their name to it should be punished...punished for thinking that their name along side their beliefs is worth something...only anonymous people should have this privilege...

how dreamy...

congratulations to my sister...this picture is her backyard...she called yesterday to inform me of her now secured position as executive chef at our favorite 4 star lodge...brooks lake...the snake river and the 'tons' are enough to make anyone happy...i don't care who you are...

there are many times that i have seen her struggle to find her way...but today i want to honor her as she spreads her wings to fly...what a fantastic place to fly in!! when someone you love finally achieves their dream, it seems as if it completes you as well...

here's to whitney...i love you...

did you just say....

well- it's out there...the tossing and turning for all to endure has begun...for some, considering whether jesus actually sinned- while human- is difficult...for some, considering that some have never considered this is even more difficult...for some, considering that others have resolved it to be true is down right- i think the word was 'blasphemous'...

so what? either way? what are the implications for both sides? i truly would love to hear the systematic argument in a forum that was safe...by safe, i mean that hostilities and judgment are checked in at the door so that these considerations were given equal air time- without a shouting match, or a task force to eliminate free thought...

jesus is a tough nut to crack...with no personal writings, no memoirs, no autobiographies- we only have the words of those who claimed to be his followers...even at that, they were competing to write "their" witness of him...hmmmm...it gets scary- real fast...

i like the struggle...i like the tacking back and forth of the argument...i especially like it that the only thing i do not fear about this saga is the questioning...how do you come to your core belief system without asking?

memory lane...

A- the crazy californian










B- the delusional whale rider





which one would you choose to put as a poster on the wall?

only two months...

well, this is an ode to my good and beautiful friend em...in two months, she is going to be "maa-weed"...she is hookin' up with the most handsome henry...people, it really is a fairytale...

i just wanted to honor her today...she has been a most excellent friend...i love you...(even though she might never say it back to me...and she says 'ouch' when i hug her...)

one of those nights...

at 2am i decided to just get up...there were things to do, and things to think about...so i climbed out of bed, turned on the radio and accomplished a plethera of work...

i also endured a time of wrestling...with who? you may ask...could have been my own conscience, or rational thought...could have been with the part of my genetics that once i have traveled to a specific arena of contemplation- it does not let me go...so there i sat, looking among mounds of books and papers which in the end, sum up my performance of academia...it's daunting at times- especially at 3:30am...

i only slept, tossingly at that, for a couple of hours this afternoon and i am still not sure the match is over yet...there is more to resolve...bits of grief- oh how i miss some of the dead...who i really am without all of the "things" i do... the search for the place where loving others really does precede yourself...then the reality of these resolutions somehow working their ways into my functioning world...this is again where flowcharts on implementing goodness into your life would be ever helpful...anyone?

i found two names in my journal of schoolmates that were- in the beginning- somehow chosen to be two people that i uplift and look out for...to daisy and alice, you got a lot of air time last night in the conversation between God and myself...maybe i was trying to make up for lost time...maybe it was the right time and it was full, sincere, and earnest...for this one reason alone, i am glad i was awake...

there are others...a list that seemed unending...how is it that you can love so many people? maybe we only love everyone at certain, specific times...times when the world is quiet- and you have no idea why their names are resounding in your being...times when you yourself is the last thing you even want to contemplate...times when you actually hear something other than your own voice...

sweet and pleasant dreams to all i love dearly...sweet and pleasant dreams to those i miss- wherever you are...sweet and pleasant dreams to the world...

sunday is on the way...

before the sun comes up tomorrow, i will be headed to a place in which the sole purpose of gathering is to celebrate the risen Lord...a friend of mine always says, "something about the resurrection makes people get up and go celebrate"...that and christmas...but i truly can't think of any better days to celebrate...except for st. patty's day, or columbus day (my birthday), or...just kidding...

someone asked me today if i thought the miracles of christ were ligit...based on the history of tomorrow, i was compelled to find favor in them...not because i am a maniac...but because in some sense, we tend to compartmentalize a miracle...if it's not grand and spectacular, then it does not fit in the genre of miracle...i think the fact that i breathe throughout the night without thinking or making it happen is a miracle...i think because i can look someone in the eye and translate a myriad of feelings, it is a miracle...i think when you are out of money and out of nowhere someone gives you some, without having asked a soul- it qualifies as a miracle to me...

naivety?...trust me, i have pounced all over the needed miracles in the world today...tomorrow is about hope- the hope of ultimate and complete healing...in my journey, i am going to keep hoping for miracles and working to make them happen...my other more skeptical friend said, "silly girl, miracles are for gods!"...maybe so...maybe no...today i will hope for the day when all tears shall be wiped away...when everyone has been healed...

well, here is floyd with bradley...you can see how exhausted they were...this was on the way down the ole' enchanted rock...they are looking rather regal arent' they?

then there is our good-looking friend derek...it is not often that you will find a man from colorado eating cheese in the shape of texas while hiking on enchanted rock...this cheese was not bought at a gift shop at the base of the rock- he meant to buy it and bring it along...he had already consumed texarkana before we took this shot...

then of course, you can see the vultures in the background...thanks to my wonderful friend, ed, i now have a genuine, probably disease infested feather of the beautiful birds he finds so interesting to feed on daily basis...

i finally moved back home today...it's been a good week away and i was actually productive with school work...and, i actually liked the paper i turned in for theology...wow...

still have not found a pocket sized constitution yet...if anyone has a clue as to where i can get one, send me the memo...love to all today...we have tomorrow OFF!!

enchanted rock

so this is one of the lovely kids i kept this past week...floyd...i happen to like this dog very much...this image is enough to convince anyone to love him...plus, he's cuddly...










my computer is silly...it will not upload a picture of bradley...i must work on this!!

bypassing the scandal...

this morning, i drove around downtown austin- specifically a circle between the blocks of 7th and 10th- numerous times...until finally, i found the right place to put the jeep...

as i walked brazos to get to the intended building of my pursuit, i was aware of what historically today suggests...as i entered the building, there was bustle and there were children holding palm branches and waving them as they imagined themselves looking at a man riding through the crowd on a donkey...

the first words i heard today were- deliberatly diverse, intentionally inclusive...immediately i felt a peace- a peace in which i have been in search of when i enter buildings such as these...

there were all colors of people, all ages of people- they were mixed about in their seats and there were looks of genuineness all around...the building itself was colorful-comfortable-buzzing voices of sincerity...

the room in which i sat was big, and there echoed the babbling of small children...many times in buildings such as these, these babbling voices are ignored or at worst, cause a sense of anxiety for those who simply wish for it to be a quiet, reverent place...but not in this room, the babbling voices were attended to...the crowd responded to the small talk and found joy in it...i was overwhelmed...

the word i heard today was filling...that in our lives we seek the glory- not the humiliation...that in our humanity, we want to bypass the scandal of this historical week and go straight to the glory...i must admit, these past few weeks i have been contemplating the relevence of those two, big pieces of wood that were nailed together in a such a fashion that it readily foreshadowed a fate for the man named jesus...i think i have been bypassing the scandal of it all...

i love days when you set out to experience something and the expereience itself comes to abide within you...this is certainly one of those situations in my life where the smallest detail of children babbling and a few words, precisely strung together have impacted my greater picture of life...

in another's words...

i encourage you to click 'pratico' on my links list and go to the blog...excellent thoughts...i sighed with relief today when i read EXACTLY what i have been thinking for a while now...and i want to thank and credit my friend for being so precise with his words...

is it modesty?

late at night, as i house sit for the lovely owner's of bradley and floyd- i watch the box that can draw ANYONE into a state of idleness...

i read vanity fair years ago, identifying with the dear ms. crawley...for a one reason- she is an underdog...you know i love them...so the fair reece w. is the lady who brings this character to the forefront...i marvel at the lovely language...the words are so few, and polite- doused with a flare of intentional clandestineness...is it modesty? or brilliance? or the art of somewhat saying what you wish without actually saying it? i might be developing intentional clandestineness envy...

insight...

i took this test the other day, a what type of movie would you be test- ludicrous i know- and it came out that i was a nihilist...i was a bit dubious until tonight...

i found myself thinking that the machine of the world is good at grinding up the hope i hold dear...i stand, as tonight, and wonder why it must be this way? are the systems in place really that bad? i think so, but i do not know what little ole' me can do...this is a true confession...for those who walk with no anxiety over this, i adore you...

i study things everyday which foster hope...but i am finding it hard to juxtaposition the machine with change...this bothers me...

maybe i should find comfort in the skippage freedom...maybe i should go to sno-beach tomorrow and forget the ugly machine...

i do, by the way, get to keep bradley and floyd for the rest of this week...see, my hope has been renewed...

it just occurred to me...

we, fellow citizens of the united states- we have no laws forbidding us to SKIP...tonight, the freedom of discovering there were no laws hindering my ability, my desire, my longing to simply skip along my merry way was an adventure i encourage all to endeavor towards...

take a few moments of your day- focus on the zone of skippage...you might indeed find the incredible joy of giddiness...plus, it is contagious...especially if you are over 30 years of age...

in honor of supportive spice...

e.e. cummings - i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ps- a friend shared with me this text set to music...oh how it made my day...it makes the wonder of all my life a little more beautiful...



Walt Whitman - To You.

STRANGER! if you, passing, meet me, and desire to speak to me, why should
you not speak to me?
And why should I not speak to you?

ps- i love this crazy man whitman...

spring forward

well, i still have not understood why we must adjust our clocks...we lost ONE hour of sleep last night and now our schedules are silly...my body thinks it only midnight, when in all actuality it is 0100...me no likey...

the up side is that the sun stays out for an hour more every night...the days lengthen and i must confess, it is glorious...what could we possibly like more than a later sunset?

only four more weeks of this crazy thing called school...unbelievable...when i think of what we have crammed into the thing we call our brain- it's pretty damn amazing...an ancient language, church history from 0 bce, survey of OT/NT, an indepth vocabulary of theology, preaching, exegesis, and a fair exposure to the worshipping church...we still have another ancient language to cram in this summer...tonight, i am optomistic that we will all survive...

i think i should wind on down...busy week...to all who have read this far, know that i am stoked...and don't forget that i love you...i must spring forward into sleepdom...

hotline #

1-800-555-ENVY...they handle all types of envy besides profile envy, so listen to the menu and i think #7 is the next option....these people are great...

goodbye sweet george mason...

well, the shoe did not fit tonight for my cinderella team...but you won my heart anyway...