i bless the rains down in africa...

totally love toto...have them on lp...headed out early on thursday for a most extensive trip in south africa...lusaka to capetown...YES!!! love to all these next few weeks...will try to document as best as i am able...try not to get malaria...try not to drink contaminated things...i figure if i stick to beer i'll be okay :)

congrats to brian and kelly!! congrats to crystal and adam!! congrats to ryan and laura!! congrats to patrick and kate!! congrats to cody and his soon to be bride (which i regret not remembering her name right now- as soon as i close the post it will come to me)...if anyone else gets married or pregnant before i get back, i'll rejoice upon my homecoming...

then the blessed greek awaits...get ready juniors...wait- middlers :)

what's at stake for you?

in the closing of the semester, it is difficult to think of all the things that matter to you with the usual depth of sincerity until it is over...i've been chewing on the racial reconciliation forum for a while and as each day passes, i think i am astonished at the outcome of that meeting...i don't know if anyone else feels appalled at some of the things said that day- but i was...essentially, what i think happened is that not only did we foster an untrustworthy space in the chapel, we turned around and asked black students to trust us with hearing their feelings...and them with ours...and then told them that- basically- it wasn't a big deal and we can get through this...yeah for the white people who sat in the back of the room seperated from the black students...yeah for the white people who made the session about their story instead of hearing the black students story...yeah for the white people who asked the blacks not to use a word the whites labeled them with long ago...it's sad...

i wonder why whites think that we can grasp the depth of a minority's pain regarding language...i'm not saying intellectualize it...i'm talking experience...to never know the experience of being degraded by another race- i am not sure that whites will know that- ever...at least not in the context of this place...we reign...we have priviliges...no word a minority uses against a white person will ever carry the weight of the ugly, ugly words we have used to label them...and i'm not talking about hurting our feelings...i'm talking about being labeled in such a way that the whole world knows what that label means...in the end, i think we are arrogant to believe that language doesn't carry the weight it used to carry...what is at stake for me in this situation is watching a community of whites that have no idea whether to call a black student "black"...or "African-American"...and some still see them as "different"...what is at stake? regarding another's full humanity...

tomorrow, a student that has worked very, very hard to finish her education and is noted by many to be a phenomenal pastor won't be attending the graduation in which she deserves to be...the PCUSA has ran her off...has chosen not to uphold her full humanity...when are we gonna start looking at the stakes? because it seems that as long as we are looking at personal gains, we are committing crimes against the full humanity of the gospel...am i angry? yep...but more broken-hearted for those who are not seen as full...it's convienient to see someone fully when they look like you...or when they are the same color as you...or the same sexual orientation as you...i am interested if anyone feels "less full" because of negating others the possiblity of being recognized as fully human?...instead of sub-human...instead of less than "me"...

i feel "less full"...that's what is at stake for me...

i'd rather...

if: given a task of let's say...taking a class on business administration and budget
i'd rather: poke my eyes out with a fork

if: given a task of let's say...reading a book and then reporting about what i read
i'd rather: run 26.2 miles...and you know i think that is for idiots...

if: given the choice of let's say...blowing off writing final papers which amount to 45 pages
i'd rather: go to the crown and consume the brown stuff...

in true dees style:

niebuhr biography report: 6/6 pages completed (needs final thoughts)
niebuhr volume II paper: 0/20 pages completed
feminist theology paper: 0/20 pages completed
philemon project: um...it's actually close to completion :)

i think it is somewhat disturbing that i am not upset about the above listed stats...

current dilemma...

so what do we do when the majority of people do not want to get behind something that is at the root- injustice? do we keep on existing in moderate tolerance with a few scrapes and bruises to accompany the journey? or what? yeah....or what?

crap...

it is crunch time...in the midst of doing all the final-ly things, i came across this picture for one of my projects...i am in the trenches of trying to convey the old and the new...it made me wonder, do we live- then die- then live again? or do we simply walk around dead until we are made alive?

methodology is important to my concrete thinking...but as i looked at this picture, i have felt this way more and more lately...dried up and in need of nourishment...maybe we are constantly being made alive- everyday...there are moments that come during the day that make me soar...and i tell you, those moments are soooo good...and then there are the moments in solidarity with others that make me wither- just like this flower...

is all of creation this connected? and we are just oblivious? too arrogant to acknowledge our frailty? i am okay today with confessing my frailty...it seems i have no other choice...the pain of those who are struggling to make it in this cruel world haunts me...agent of change i want to say...be an agent of change...in this state? can i? i guess the good reformed answer is that yes- this is exactly where i need to be- to be an agent of change...in my weakness, who is strong?