the unexpected...

if you read this, will you remember a woman named isabel...her husband died tonight...

jensen...

so, it turns out that jensen did learn alot about scientology from southpark...i highly suggest watching it through youtube...or someone's tube...

my favorite part was when stan told tom cruise to "come out of the closet"....and that he liked leo dicaprio better as an actor...it's fun to see tom cry...okay...not a part of the new reality...

thanks to my good friend ryan...he has let me in on the secrets of scientology...via southpark...

enough already...

sorry for being a sourpuss this week...

i am issuing a formal apology and would like to invoke a new reality- coffee should be drunk with much tenacity...forego wearing shoes that lace up...show your toes...sit under the biggest tree available and read tolstoy...change toothpaste for a month...play sand volleyball...write three letters to beloved persons...did i already say drink coffee? oh yeah, with tenacity...visit the elderly...study buddhism...(with crystal :0)...buy subscription to mother jones and send to one other person...hug mfdees because it is so freakin funny to force sentimenticism on him...write a poem to my godchild...watch grey's anatomy...love those within reach with all of my might...

there...that should do it!!

this way...

there is a place- i sense- in which we all find this particular spot on the well travelled road of life...it is the crossroads of fear and hope...they are intersected with two signs...one sign says, "despair this way"...the other says, "unknown but worth risking"...this is an intersection we find ourselves in when our ability to control all circumstances reveals itself as futile and undoable...

fear is almost a person sometimes...we have conversations with her over coffee... or while our heads are on the pillow, wet with tears...she even shows up in the mirror sometimes...for me, i find myself in the most ludicrous conversations with her when i see the reality of suffering at hand...

when the force- whether circumstances, etc- sets us down in the middle of the road, i wonder how many others find themselves chased down the road with the sign pointing to despair...too many things are chasing me there lately...and i wonder what brings me back to the fork so that i can go the unknown route instead...for the unknown doesn't travel down the despair road with me- does it? but the despair seems to accompany me down the road of the unknown...even in this, the hope of worth risking the unknown fosters wide eyes...it even deafens the conversation with fear...most of the time...

in a world where systems are powerful, the road to despair is crowded...it even seems natural to easily meander along with others who find no reason to risk anymore...even more natural to wonder at the overpopulation on this road...no wonder people want to hurt other people...from a lash of the tongue to the taking of another's life...how did all of these people land on this road?

this week has been spent thinking on the power of systems...i am burdened at what they are doing...from the huge corporations to the government to the church...they all have one thing in common- humanity...what is worth risking for humanity? i know the right answer...it's everything...but it seems impossible...at least today...

L. Ron Hubbard

so, today for the first time in my life, i considered living another life...multiple lives...i wonder if it is credible...

third time?

i had a i heart huckabees moment on friday during a theology session...which was being conducted at the pub...

coincidence 1- on thursday i was drinking a fabulous latte from jp's and i looked up to see a beautiful man looking back at me...he walked past me and i never made eye contact again...he looks like jesus...or my cultural context of what jesus might look like...long dark hair with riveting blue eyes...he possessed a quiet strength in the way in which he carried himself...

coincidence 2- at the pub, on friday, this same "jesus" once again walked by me and i had to have a double take because at first glance i didn't relate the two events...he sat at the same table- only a ways down so it was difficult to be casual in my longing to talk about the coincidences...he left before i did, and there was no contact- which in reflection, saddens me...

my question for the day is, will there be a coincidence 3? if so, i am ready to engage in conversation...if he knows about the movie, then he will easily understand that he is my sudanese refugee and that i have no detective for hire...well actually, mfdees has volunteered his services...

in all, i like to think the coincidences of life mean something...and who wouldn't when considering the coincidence is a beautiful man? trust me, i shall relate coincidence 3 if it comes about...which i am going to spend a good part of today dreaming about and of what could transpire if it so happens....

which brings me to- can i actually long for a coincidence? or am i negating the meaning of coincidence in longing for it? some people say coincidences are meaningless...i tend to think they cause us to dream...and today, i am okay with dreaming...

mfdees...

i would like to take a moment and thank mr. dees for fixing at least one of my commenting problems with this beta blogger crap...i think he might have more solutions than i have questions for...it is in his nature...

theologian would be...

You scored as J.Moltmann.

The problem of evil is central to your thought, and only a crucified God can show that God is not indifferent to human suffering. Christian discipleship means identifying with suffering but also anticipating the new creation of all things that God will bring about.

Anselm 100%
J.Moltmann 100%
John Calvin 100%
Paul Tillich 67%
Karl Barth 60%
Jonathan Edwards 53%
Martin Luther 47%
Friedrich Schleiermacher 40%
Charles Finney 20%
Augustine 0%

right....i think cindy would be really upset that anselm won out for me on this quiz...she might fire me...reason? dearest monica...relearn sys I...poor augustine...all of that heirarchical crap got him nowhere with me!! dearest jurgen...we should have met a long time ago...

the light of remorse...

i was reminded today of a friend of mine that has been on the fringes of my life for a few years...i would see him on tuesdays for english beer night and there was never more than the friendly pub language and the communication of the latest whatnot...

things in your life can change- sometimes in an instant...without having any intention whatsoever to do harm, he ran into another vehicle on his way home one night...it happened to be his birthday and i still don't know for sure, but i think he had had too much to drink...

upon leaving to come back to austin, he was still in jail...this event has messed with my head and my heart...i was upset that there was nothing whatsoever that i could do to rearrange the situation and change the outcome...the victim was in critical condition and i do not know if he died...

why is it that until tragedy enters within your realm of comfort do we read stories such as these with a certain detachment? as if another human doesn't matter unless you know them? most often the remark goes something like this- "how terrible"...if this story would have happened to someone outside of my sphere of knowledge, i feel certain that it would have affected me quite differently...but instead, my chest is tight- wondering if my friend will ever be outside the prison walls again...

it was his birthday...no one ever starts out their celebration intending to end up like this...i guess it is a reflection on what we think we deserve...right? when we live fully into what we think we deserve, there is a risk of taking away the very thing someone else rightfully deserves as well...so really, all actions- in effect- are related...

saying "i'm sorry" is not even close to hitting the spot where the remorse has pooled up and is now flowing through the veins...tonight i am just sad...usually there is no sympathy for the drunk driver...but i feel it...it isn't even sympathy...it's grief...grief... for in harming another man's life, maybe my friend has died as well...within...leaving a living cavity...

i tried to contact him before leaving...he had not left anyone on the visitor's list...possibly refusing them...all of this because we get older and we want to mark it in celebration...

these are the things that hurt...you cannot do anything to change the situation...you just have to watch it play out...with remorse...for i do not see how one can view this situation in any other light...

what if we were all judged on our intentions- instead of what actually happens?

begin again...

it's that time again...codex, mishnah, Q source, theology of voice...can i be a buddhist-christian? i like this part of school...the discovery, the challenge of the normal and ingrained...i hope for all who read this today, there would be a special way into which you must be pushed to think about something anew...even if it choosing a sub-standard ketchup over your usual...

i've decided today that so far, i hate beta blogger...

these are the swimmers in ironman wisconsin...he was 2nd coming out of the water and is leading his division...GO JOSEPH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

friday highlights...

ATTENTION: IDIOCRACY by Mike Judge

Go and see...do not delay...

*i think mike judge might be a modern day prophet...after i laughed for two hours-nonstop-i left the alamo perplexed at the reality of his exaggeration...
*apparently you don't need a season to have a chili cook off...it doesn't matter if it is 105 degrees...we have it anyway...
*all of creation is gathering in austin this weekend...something about a football game...
*i am going to purchase a german dictionary and bible tomorrow...it falls somewhere within the nerd gene that has mutated...
*the weekend is here...make chili...drink a few cervezas...gather with friends...celebrate life...

school daze...

well, this is the first day of the second year...today things seemed a bit like the way we left it in july...there were a few surprises with weddings and general happenings of life that somehow overtake us when we have time to act outside of the daily routine of studying...



georgia was kind enough to snap our "first day of school" shot this morning...i like these two kids...they make me happy...joseph is leaving for wisconsin this weekend to do the ironman...not that he would tell anyone, but this past weekend he placed in the top 10 out of a gazzilion people...warm up he called it...whatever...

i was reminded today of the delicate nature we seminarians like to call our "vocation"...there are risks every turn we take and it seems that a snafu awaits us around the corner when we don't consider what might happen in either absolute...the 2X4 smacked me good today when the subject being considered was our words about God...what do we say? really? it's a risk to say and claim too much, but yet the risk of not speaking is too great...oh the humility i must learn...

dhawn pulled out the zen tea bag, of course, and the words on the wrapper said: "where there is mastery, there is no mystery..." is there truly contentedness in mystery?

the nose...it always knows...

i returned home today to find the scent in which i find to be calming awaiting me...call me crazy, which i am most assuredly so, and the scent that haunted and comforted me this past year was awaiting me upon the entrance to my room...granted, georgia had to give me my key back to get in...

nonetheless, i find it strangely comforting to come home to the same odor of love...my grandmother's house is the same way...i know what i am headed for before i ever get to the door...mostly holiday smell...but good and comforting anyway...

so here's to all of those out there who find the scent of housing comforting...it's good to be home my friends...austin kicks total booty and i love that i can find the comfort of home here...and i am glad there were a few who hung at the crown for my arrival...it's going to be a great year...love to all...

anyone fancy to close the crown down?
say....10 pm tonight?
i'll meet you there!!

i dont' want to leave!!

this is what i am looking at everyday...i know, it sucks...this is what i call a vacation...
















these two girls are pretty happy...they stayed up way too long last night, but had fun anyway...do they look related? most people say no way jose...it has been good to be in the midst of family...

leaving for texas tomorrow...austin bound on monday...hope all is good in your life...love to all...